People forget all kinds of things on vacation: phone chargers, wallets, pillows. But if there's one thing the cleaning lady doesn't like to find, it's the hovering, shrieking, undead soul of a former human being. It's entirely inconvenient; for one, you never know when they're going to make a mess of themselves. They're just so temperamental! Plus, they usually only whisper one or two phrases over and over again, acting like nagging, needy children. Despite our best wishes, these unwelcome guests have been making residency in some of the otherwise-finest vacation escapes for many years, and it's probably best to survey the worst ones before you book your next trip. Like a picturesque, Victorian getaway in California, where possibly suicidal former guest Kate Morgan likes to flick on lights and open drawers in room 3312. Or the ultimate haunt in Cimarron, New Mexico, at a former outlaw cowboy hotel where restless spirits avenge fatal poker games by pushing over room intruders and smoking cigars in non-smoking halls. Whether you want to avoid spirits that don't involve alcohol or you simply like the surprise of unexpected company, check out Where I've Been's listing of the five most ghastly resorts.

5. Rosarios Resort
Orcas Island, WA

Sometimes swagger can't be contained by the bounds of human life alone. Fans of Tupac Shakur might agree. So might those who have experienced the hard-drinkin', Harley-ridin', high-heel-stompin' ghost of Alice Rheem, wife of Donald, who owned the famed Rosarios Resort in San Juan Islands, Washington.

In the roaring, Prohibition-era 20's, high-strung locals often chafed at the flamboyance of Alice Rheem. While living in San Francisco, she'd frequent every speakeasy and have her fill until she got absolutely schnockered. It is believed her husband tried to rein in her flamboyant lifestyle upon purchasing property in the quiet Orcas Island. But Alice, ever the juggernaut, would sport her fiery red dress before hopping on her motorcycle, drinking and playing cards with younger men at the area general store, and returning home a sloppy mess. She died in 1930 due to complications from her alcoholism, but her spirit never left. Patrons of Rosarios Resort have repeatedly heard clunking high-heels in the night. Visitors who sleep in Alice's old room -- where she was believed to have brought back some of the aforementioned young men for questionable dalliances -- have been known to hear soft groans and felt fingers run across their heads. The afterlife -- too boring for Alice Rheem.

4. Hotel del Coronado
San Diego, CA

At the end of the 19th century, the newly wealthy masses of the West had plenty of money to burn but little spark to do so. Thus, the construction of the fantastical Victorian beachside Hotel del Coronado in San Diego was met with much fanfare, and 24-year-old Kate Morgan hoped that at some point her husband, Thomas, would meet her there. The wealthy couple frequently checked into hotels under fake names in the early 1890s. Kate would lure ogling male guests into high-stakes poker games with her husband, who was able to defeat them consistently enough to make a living for the couple. However, prior to her arrival at the Coronado, Kate had learned she was pregnant, and Thomas quarreled with her before leaving her alone at the hotel and resuming his lifestyle as a traveling gambler, promising his return to her in San Diego on Thanksgiving.

When Thanksgiving passed without his return, Kate was infused with worry and paranoia. She often appeared in front of hotel employees pale and sickly, apparently affected by ingesting large amounts of quinine, a substance used to perform abortion. One day, she traveled into San Diego and purchased a gun. The following morning, at the front steps of the beach, she was found dead with a bullet wound to the head. It was immediately ruled suicide and quickly covered up; however, it was later discovered that the bullet caliber did not match the gun she had purchased, leading many to believe she was murdered. Whatever the case, shortly after her death, many employees reported odd activity in and around her room, 3312. Apparitions of a lovely female figure appeared next to windows. Lights continued to flicker despite constant replacement. Murmurs were frequently audible. Objects have been found in different places. Could the disturbed soul of Kate Morgan be urging guests to re-investigate her untimely death? Whatever the case, the spooked may want to steer clear of room 3312.

3. Omni Netherland
Cincinnati, OH

Turns out "Till death do us part" bit is for the chumps -- true love maniacs stand by their spouse past the grave. Just ask the spirit of the "Lady in Green." In 1929, developer John Emery sought to build a towering hotel in downtown Cincinnati. The ambitious project was destined for failure, but as the Depression hit, Emery was fortunate in his ability to find a large pool of construction workers for the project. The height of the building and machinery involved made the site extremely vulnerable to accidents, and in 1930 the worst happened -- a man fell to his death, but his body was never found. As construction continued, a woman in a green dress showed up frequently in hopes of finding her lost husband. The hotel was finished the following year and soon played host to luminaries like Elvis Presley and John F. Kennedy, with a charming art-deco style and splendid Hall of Mirrors.

Still beautiful but slowly falling apart, renovation began on the Omni in 1983, and soon notoriety for the building would build in a way developers hadn't expected. Entering the "Hall of Mirrors" to initiate development plans, a construction worker in the empty hotel noticed a woman in a green dress standing above some equipment at the far end of the room. He called at her, and she nervously fled. Later, workers reported seeing a similar figure, who gazed at them as they worked; they thought her to be an employee of the hotel, but her dress appeared quaint. Then she would vanish. Was she ill-fatedly hoping to find her worker husband? Was she protecting the men from her husband's fate? Or was she simply hurting from a lack of hard-hat lovin'? I recommend starting your own construction project at the Omni to find out for yourself.

2. St. James Hotel
Cimarron, NM

The evil twin of the Hotel del Coronado. Rather than focus on the fat of the land, the St. James Hotel gave refuge to lawless cowboys; it was a place where wild young bucks filed in and brought over more ruckus from the nearby saloons. Outlaws like Wyatt Earp, Jesse James and Buffalo Bill were all said to have visited there. Unsurprisingly, it wasn't a place where these outlaws simply traded stories and kicked back some moonshine before peacefully heading to bed. At least 26 people were killed at the St. James, and their souls still haven't gone quietly, despite the place's newly cleaned-up, historical image.

Most restless among the dead has to be the former Thomas James Wright, the benefactor of a hotel poker game who was shot in the back before he could enjoy his winnings. He's taken out his revenge on Room 18, where visitors have been physically pushed or subject to a maniacal ball of orange light. There are even rumors that mysterious deaths had occurred in the room when rented out, which has led the place to close off 18 to visitors. Nearby Room 17 is said to be occupied by the former wife of the owner, whose rose perfume scents the hallways and whose figure is sometimes seen floating. A dwarfish ghost, nicknamed "The Little Imp" by staffers, is known to play tricks by moving objects. Aside from these three resident haunters, the St. James has an assortment of sporadic visitors that bring cold air, flickering lights and mischievous poltergeist activity throughout the years, perhaps looking to re-live their old hootin' and hollerin' thrills of the cowboy days. Such variety makes St. James one of the best (or worst, depending on your view) sites to encounter the undead.

1. Pluckley, Kent, North Wales

Sure, so the quaint country village of Pluckley, Kent, is far from the definition of "resort" in the traditional sense of the word. But having read the previous tales of the undead, aren't you compelled to confront the moaning buggers on your own? Someone has to be willing to clean up their unfinished business. In fact, if you're really into this business, Pluckley is easily the world's most heavily-haunted ghost resort, a pleasant village where it's hip to be a hovering grey vapour.

The Guinness Book record-holder for the most haunted village in the U.K., Pluckley features a grab-bag of your favorite troubled characters. Collect all 14! There's your classic church ghost, a woman in a white dress that hangs out in Dering Chapel and Dering Manor whose image once frightened a big game hunter into shooting at her, and her companion, a woman in a red dress, who repeatedly searches for the unmarked grave of her deceased infant child. If you're going to the bar looking for a fun-loving ghost like Alice Rheem above, then you'll be disappointed -- the ghost of the local pub Dering Arms sits and peers longingly out the window, never bothering to order a beverage. There's a monk, a gypsy woman, two hanging bodies, a screamer, a miller, a phantom horse-driven carriage, and a woman who died from eating poisonous berries. If you're bored with this functioning village of troubled spirits, the town has even more lore for the taking -- modern visitors will never venture into the Screaming Woods at night, where less friendly ghouls shriek and holler every evening. You don't earn a Guinness Book record for nothing, and Pluckley's charming cast of characters makes it the most authentic haunted getaway around.